Courage and Trust

Lately I have been so scared and worried. I have had a few medical concerns in my past. In 1994 I fell from a tree and fractured 4 vertebrae (C2 C7 T5 T6) I should be dead or paralzyed according to the doctor I had. In 2002 I had a 15 minute seizure from a treatment that went wrong. Shouldn't be alive after that either. There has to be some reason I am here! Wish God would clue me in! I wanted to be a nurse but I can't do that because I have short term memory loss from the brain injury. I don't know what to do with my life. A couple months ago I was also diagnosed with Temporal lobe epilepsy. I see my neurologist in a few days. We will be talking about surgery. Surgery?! Yeah it would be at the top hospital in the area...but still. If something were to go wrong *sigh* So hard to trust people, myself, God...just hard to trust. And if I need surgery - where in the world would I get the courage? I guess what I need to work on is not looking so far into the future. It is nice to set goals but I need to look at what I can do currently to better myself. Maybe step one as far as school - don't plan on what I want to be in life..just go talk to an advisor who can help me get in and registered for just one class. With my brain injury one class would be plenty..at least for now. And as far as medical concern - give fear over to God and be open to what the doctor has in mind for treatment...not like I am agreeing to treatment right then and there. I guess one thing I can say - I have come a long way from where I was 10 years ago!